Wine

Though champagne is the classiest of all drinks, wine is a very important back. Though a classy gentleman will order champagne in every possible scenario, sometimes it’s just impossible.

When you go to a restaurant, you should always ask for the wine list. A lady knows that this is the sign of a classy man. Look through the list and find a bottle that is the 2^nd cheapest, this will show her that you are choosing based on preference not based on being cheap. Trust me, that $3 difference will seem like nothing when you are making love later on.

It is also known that at parties and tailgate parties, women look for the men who are drinking wine. That is the easiest test to find out who is the classiest. If you are drinking beer you are not classy, unless it’s a foreign beer then you are sort of classy. If you are drinking mix drinks you are not classy unless the liquor costs more than $25 per bottle. In both cases, they have to do further research to find out if you are classy and most ladies these days are busy. They don’t have time for that. But if they see you holding a wine glass, they will know right away that you are an elegant gentleman who reads books and listens to music with your eyes closed. She doesn’t even need to know what kind of wine is in there!

Remember wine comes from classy places: France, Italy, Napa Valley, and Prison Toilets. Drinking wine associates you with these places

The only potential danger is that gay guys also drink wine, but this is not a problem since most gay guys are classy.

Framed Jerseys

Sometimes sports are not classy, like when people get really drunk at a tailgate or scalp tickets.  But that does not mean that sports are not classy.  Quite the contrary, there are many classy things about sports.

For example, if you are classy enough to have a Den in your home, then it’s a good idea to decorate it in an appropriate way.  But you can’t put up posters, those look cheap.  You need to find a way to show that you are a man of taste, but that you also like sports.  You need a framed jersey.

Step 1: Aquire a Jersey

Step 2: Put that Jersey in a Frame

Bonus Step: Get a special light to light it up so everyone can see the jersey.

Nice.

France

Close your eyes.  Think of the classiest nation on earth.  Now open your eyes and you will be thinking about France.

Of the earth’s nations France is by far the one with the most class.  They gave us Marie Antoinette and Louis XIV who have set the standard for all future classiness.  In fact, if something is from France it is automatically classy.  Cars, Wine, Bread, People, Diseases, anything!

But maybe the classiest thing about France is it’s language: French.  There is no better way to show you are classy than by speaking it.  If you cannot speak French, then knowing a few French words will go a long way: baguette, croissant, wine, sex are but a few!  Memorize them and use them to be more romantic.

Turtlenecks

There are many different types of clothes to match classy situations.  For the classiest of situations, a man should wear a tuxedo.  That is a no-brainer.  But there are other times when you need to be classy, but not SO classy as to outshine everyone.

The best thing you can wear that says “I’m classy, but I’m not gonna embarass you,” is a turtleneck.

Wearing the turtleneck “naked” is always a good look, and is without a doubt the classiest way to look in a ski chalet.  It shows not only style, but sensibility as you desire to keep your neck warm during skiing events.

If you wear the turtleneck with a sport jacket everyone will assume you are either a cool professor or a detective (both very classy professions!).

Either way, you win with a turtleneck.

Waterbeds

Without a doubt, these are the classiest of all beds.  Having a waterbed shows that you are comfortable in your sexuality and your classiness.

It tells people that you are comfortable on the water and that you might own a boat or at least spent a significant amount of time in the important part of a boat.  Because if you had worked in the crappy part, why would you want to recreate it every night?

Waterbeds provide all the fun of sleeping in a boat (motion, the potential for leaks) and all of the erotic delights of privacy.

They are also expensive.

Silk

Ever since the days of old China, silk has been the fabric of classy people.  It is common knowledge that your level of classiness is determined by how many of your possessions are made out of silk.

As a man, you will impress every woman you see if you are wearing a silk shirt.  It is shiny which says “hey look at me,” and it’s soft so if you bump into a woman she will think “this shirt is soft and probably expensive, I bet this man knows how to treat me right.”  When the evening returns to your home she will immediately search for more silk and when she sees that your sheets are made of silk, you will make the classiest of love.

As a woman, a silk dress shows that you are smooth and classy like the dress.  Men will respect it, but also be very attracted to you.

Other classy things made out of silk: pajamas, handkerchiefs, robes,  flowers (they do not die and can be a nice way to decorate), pillows.

Fireplaces

Every single classy home has a fireplace.  This is because it is much classier to warm up by burning things than by a furnace.

The classiest of fireplaces are gigantic and run on gas, that way you can turn it on with a remote control or a clapper.  If you use regular wood, it’s pretty classy but takes a lot of work and nobody looks class putting logs into a fireplace.

Since classy people don’t watch TV, they generally like to read books or make love in front of a fire.

Slow Dancing

There is a common theme that you are picking up on: doing things slow is always classier than doing them fast.  Dancing is no exception.

Nobody has a story about going to a night club, slow dancing then having a one night stand.  Instead they have stories about slow dancing with someone at a classy place like a wedding, school dance, boat ride, or charity ball.  After the slow dance they talk all night and get married.

If you are dancing fast, you might be having fun but no one is looking at you thinking “that is a classy couple.”  If you just bide your time and wait for a classy song like “Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” or “My Heart Will Go On,” you can come on the dance floor, get close and move real slow.

If you are at a dance where songs shift from fast to slow, take a look at who remains on the dance floor.  There might as well be a sign: “classy only!”

It is not classy to put your hands in inappropriate places.  The classiest move is to take the girls hand, hold it, and put it against your chest.  This will show her that she is safe and that you are a noble man.

Stars

If you are going to do something, the cheapest way to make it classy is to do it ‘under the stars.’

This applies to picnics, dances, concerts, walks, marriage proposals and love making.

Doing things under the stars shows that you like to be outside, you are smart, and you are very romantic.

Suits

As a man, the fastest way to look classy is to wear a suit.  Nothing else even comes close, not even wearing a fedora.

Suits are worn by such classy people as:

• Business men
• Politicians
• Draft Picks
• Wedding Guests
• General Managers and Commissioners
• Bankers

So go ahead and class it up with a suit!